Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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