census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
