so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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