You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
