oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
