It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
