i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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