allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
