I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
