its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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