i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize