I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
