i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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