Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think your dad took our porno
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
