Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize