Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she peed on how many people?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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