I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
