Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's never too late to be topless.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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