All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
