She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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