Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
