It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
