If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
