hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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