I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need a beard to bite.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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