She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize