Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
