We named our party play list daddy issues
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
