Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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