Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
