So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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