Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
