You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
