I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
