I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
