dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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