you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
