If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
