I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
