sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
