Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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