Barsexuality is the new black.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
