piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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