fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
