She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
