what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
