OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
