You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Non-Jews are for practice
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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