I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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