just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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