it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
