and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
MIDGETS
????
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize