Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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