sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
