I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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