Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
