a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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