there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
