bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
MIDGETS
????
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
