haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
