your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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