My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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