just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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