never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
