Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
