I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize