OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dicks are not precious.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
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