The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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