She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
