I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
